After being sick for a week, I've become quite the cough connoisseur.
The Van Cough.
Also known as the Snough,
where you kinda cough and sneeze at the same time.
You spasm, which means you don't get to
close your mouth quick enough
so your phlegm flies out and lands on the wall
looking like a piece of abstract art.
What to do: Sell it to rich people.
The Phlegm Flambé.
Fiery coughs leave you with
a burning sensation in your throat
and a hot new voice.
What to do: Invite the neighbours for a bbq.
The Fountain of Goo.
You spew so much gunk every time you cough,
it's like a snot tsunami.
And when you breathe,
you sound like you're gargling.
What to do: Strike a fancy pose next to the garden gnome.
The Coughenhagen.
The eco-friendly cough.
Minimal bronchial emissions
reduce your carbon footprint.
What to do: Campaign against coughs and climate change.
The Kraken.
The cough from hell.
Itchy, scratchy, and mercilessly dry.
Yet still better than spending 1.5 hours watching
Clash of the Titans.
What to do: Watch Kick-Ass instead!
Also known as the Snough,
where you kinda cough and sneeze at the same time.
You spasm, which means you don't get to
close your mouth quick enough
so your phlegm flies out and lands on the wall
looking like a piece of abstract art.
What to do: Sell it to rich people.
Fiery coughs leave you with
a burning sensation in your throat
and a hot new voice.
What to do: Invite the neighbours for a bbq.
You spew so much gunk every time you cough,
it's like a snot tsunami.
And when you breathe,
you sound like you're gargling.
What to do: Strike a fancy pose next to the garden gnome.
The eco-friendly cough.
Minimal bronchial emissions
reduce your carbon footprint.
What to do: Campaign against coughs and climate change.
The cough from hell.
Itchy, scratchy, and mercilessly dry.
Yet still better than spending 1.5 hours watching
Clash of the Titans.
What to do: Watch Kick-Ass instead!
You cough your guts and your lunch out.
What to do: Swallow.
rock my sox or prick my ribs
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